


Zen and the Art of Being Orlando

by Telesilla



Category: Lord of the Rings RPF
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2006-05-03
Updated: 2006-05-03
Packaged: 2017-10-05 13:41:05
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 601
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/42337
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Telesilla/pseuds/Telesilla
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The Helm's Deep shoot is getting to Orlando.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Zen and the Art of Being Orlando

**Author's Note:**

  * For [zillah975](https://archiveofourown.org/users/zillah975/gifts).



The rain drips off my wig. And my ears. And my chin. And my elbows. It soaks everything I wear and makes my bow act strange and screws with the bowstring and, bloody hell, it sometimes seems to be raining at such an angle that feels like it's going right up my fucking nose.

I should be cold, but I'm too active to be cold. In fact, I'm so damn active that in addition to the rain soaking my costume, I'm sweating. Add to that the facts I really need to piss and that I'm more than a little thirsty, and you have someone who is really dealing with too many fucking issues involving liquid, thank you very much. Speaking of liquid, in addition to being thirsty, I could really use a stiff drink right about now.

The truly horrible thing about the whole thing, is the way that, after several weeks of night shoots, it's become normal to feel like this. We're about four hours from dawn and I've settled in for the night here. In spite of the needing to pee thing, I'm good for several more hours of fighting and firing mock arrows and whatever else needs doing.

It's kind of odd really, but I reach a point each night when everything I have has to be concentrated on what I'm doing. If I can't do that, I'll flounder and while it's bad enough for me to do that, it's hideously rude for me to make everyone else have to do another bloody take. It's almost Zen really, which is kind of a scary thought--Zen and the Art of Night Shooting.

The more I think about it, the funnier it becomes. I'll need to share it with Viggo; he'll appreciate it, I'm sure. He's pretty fucking Zen himself really, but with him it's more Zen and the Art of Being Manly. Brett on the other hand practices Zen and the Art of Being Short. Then there's the stunties, who are all about Zen and the Art of Wearing Foam Latex Whilst Kicking Ass, except for the Elven stunties who work--or don't work, because Zen just is--on Zen and the Art of Marching and Shooting and Standing on the Walls Whilst Looking Incredibly Gay.

It's a groove really. Zen and the Art of the Groove. And it's good, although if you take it too far you have Zen and the Art of Being Groovy and that's not so good. On the other hand I could really do with a little Zen and the Art of Rolling and Sparking Up a Doob, or even Zen and the Art of Getting a Good Draw on the Bong. Although to be really Zen I think you have to do peyote or something like that, maybe acid; Viggo would know. Bet he's been in the desert a time or two practicing Zen and the Art of Being Zen. And the Art of Being Zen. And the Art of Being Zen. Fuck I fucking slay myself sometimes.

Zen and the Art of Snickering. Zen and the Art of Giggling. Zen and the Art of Sounding Like a Crazed Hyena. Zen and the Art of Being Doubled Over Crying Because You Can't Stop Laughing Hysterically.

my sides hurt and i think i pissed my breeches and i cant stop crying and i want to go home and sleep for the rest of my life and wake up next to viggo and have scones and tea and maybe some fruit and then maybe a blow job and please can i stop now?

_-end-_

**Author's Note:**

> Written for [](http://zillah975.livejournal.com/profile)[**zillah975**](http://zillah975.livejournal.com/) who asked for Exhausted Orlando off my [28 Fic Meme](http://telesilla.livejournal.com/417612.html) list. And before you ask, yes, Viggo took Orlando home and cuddled him.


End file.
